PROBLEM: School Policy might stop the physical bullying but not always the verbal, mental and emotional abuse.

SOLUTION: You the victim must stand up for yourself and solve this problem. You need a PLAN. A good plan that you can practice and believe in that it will work.

The 3 T-Steps – Use when verbally attacked or ridiculed

1. TALK – to the bully, ask them to “please stop bugging me”. They might stop because they might not have realized it hurt you.

2. TELL – everyone you can. Tell your teacher, your parents and if necessary the principal and bullies parents that you asked the bully to stop. Rather you be a tattle tale then let it bottle up. Make sure who ever you tell, talks to the bully

3. TACKLE – use verbal jiu-jitsu for a mental submission.

   • Use a tone that is clear and confident and ask them “Are you challenging me to a fight?” If they say YES -> then they might attack so use your BJJ to control them. Defend when they become aggressive. Don’t wait for the first punch.

   • No Striking. Establish control then negotiate i.e. “are you gonna stop bugging me?” Be nice about everything and they might become a friend, or ally. Be on guard once you let them up just in case.

   • If they say NO -> they are acknowledging they are a bit scared of you

   • If they don’t answer you ->”If you want to fight, I’m not scared of you. If not, then leave me alone and stop wasting my time.” Use a confident (not crazy) tone with no weakness in your voice.

   • Once you are confident with your techniques, your confidence will come out and allow you to not be afraid of what might happen in a fight. You will know you can’t get hurt that bad.

   • Practice your confident tone in the mirror or with parents LOTS. Only with practice will your questions and tone become reflex, just like your BJJ.

   • Do not use negative language or swearing. Be calm and polite about everything

   • If the fight does happen and you control them, they’ve probably never had anyone hold them down or dominate them before, so anything they say about leaving you alone is the truth. They’ve never felt defeat from someone their size (or smaller) so that will scare them.

   • Confidence = No fights. Bullies will sense your confidence and move on to someone weaker. It is OK to stand up for others as well!

   • Believe in your plan. It will work.

5 Rules of Engagement – Do NOT violate them

1. Avoid the fight at all costs – Do not abuse or misuse your martial knowledge

2. If physically attacked, defend yourself – Don’t hesitate to defend yourself. Never hold back defence for fear of getting in trouble.

3. If verbally attacked, follow the 3 T-Steps listed above

4. Never punch or kick the bully. Establish control and negotiate – If you purposely don’t hurt a bully they could end up a friend or at least an ally.

5. When applying submissions, use MINIMAL force and negotiate – Goal is to control and use submissions as a negotiation tool.

The Critical Conversation

What happens when you go to the principal’s office? (Which you will if you fight)

• Tell your side of the story starting with the timeline of events when the bullying first took place.

• The steps you took and who you told

• Explain that you used Jiu-Jitsu not to hurt but just to negotiate a resolve (to ask the bully to stop)

• If you’re given any grief about defending yourself, ask “What if I didn’t tackle this bully? How long would it go on? The school year? My whole life?”

Violation of the RULES

• Parents – if the student follows the rules (and if a fight happens) it’s important that they don’t get punished.

• If there is a violation of the rules the student will be suspended from BJJ for 1 month. If another violation ever occurs the student will be expelled from YMATC with no refunds.

• If you are abusing your martial knowledge know that YOU are now the bully. And you don’t want to be a bully.